Weapons of Sloth

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Houston, we have a problem. It looks like we have an alien infestation and Orkin doesn’t call back. Early in the Spring a US Military video was leaked showing US fighter aircraft in hot pursuit of an unknown aircraft. The intruder’s capabilities made our frontline fighters look like Sopwith Camels and then for an encore it dove beneath the ocean waves and disappeared. The Navy’s explanation explains the problem. You crazy people call them UFOs, but the military calls them Unexplained Aerial Phenomenon. The video clearly shows a hot pursuit of one aircraft after another like any flight simulation game, but the military offers up, we don’t know what that is. It might be secret technology from Russia or China.

The Chinese have one diesel powered aircraft carrier. It rarely goes more than a couple hundred miles from their coast because if it breaks down in mid ocean, they have no way to get it home. I don’t think the vehicle in question is Chinese considering their moon probe broke down after thirty minutes. The Russians build aircraft to sell not to keep. They are very good at the pretty good and pretty good at  pretty cheap, but they replicate they don’t innovate.  It is the whole idea of “Gee; we don’t know what it is, but we know what its not!”

“It might be a drone! Sure, it’s a drone from somewhere unknown.” I read that and, in my mind, saw Native Americans on horseback watching a locomotive chugging across the prairie. “Gee, do you think there are any people inside? Maybe it’s just a drone!” They say things like that because there are two types of aliens. The one’s we can deal with, and the other is the stuff of nightmares. ET vs. Predator, Third Rock from the Sun vs. Fire in the Sky. Generals and Admirals trained from day one never to say, “Beats the shit out of me! I don’t have any idea what that is.” Trained to show confidence even if their hair is on fire. Yet obviously worried their trebuchets and catapults and bronze spears points are going to need an upgrade.

The destabilizing effect of God says, I’m the only God and you is the only people. It’s just you and me in this universe kid. Then the doorbell rang, and it was the folks from next door! But the Bible has an answer. God is testing your faith. He put those dinosaur bones there to see if you were paying attention. “Aliens, there are no Aliens. Demons and devils and things that go bump in the night. We gotta a whole special department for those little boogity boogities but don’t believe in Aliens. If there were Aliens God would have warned us and he warned us about the devil. How could such a conversation have been omitted from the final texts?

The next question is what do they want? They aren’t belligerent but do seem to take pleasure in kicking sand in the faces of our pilots. Joe Stalin took UFO reports seriously and ordered all sentries to watch the skies. The Russians attacked a UFO with jet fighters and the attacking plane crashed. Apparently, we’ve tried that as well with the similar results. But if it isn’t a drone or a secret Chinese or Russian vehicles, what is it? What do they want? Somewhat arrogant to move in without announcing your intentions and then freeload off of our planet. Taking cattle without payment and all. We have a thing called taxes in this country and if you aren’t rich you have to pay them. Landing fees at the very least.

But mankind has always relished that top spot on the food chain and maybe there is a new kid in town. Maybe it’s like Star Trek and they’re on a five-year mission to seek out new life and boldly go. But let’s pretend things cost money on their planet same as a it does on ours. And we know they ain’t from around here and have come a long way. They didn’t come all this way to look around and pick up a few rocks. Maybe they are staking their claim to the next game. Putting their quarters on the edge of the pool table.  After mankind finishes choking the planet and sinking the eight ball, they’ll move in and clean the place up. Maybe it is our galactic Landlords, and our lease is almost up. Maybe the only thing more frightening than being alone is not being alone. (Get Out! The call came from inside of the house!)

Reports of alien spacecraft go back to the bronze Age. The Egyptian God RA supposedly came to Earth on his silver ship that sailed across the heavens. Christopher Columbus would say as he once told the natives. “You’re all slaves, welcome to Spain!” Whenever a party with superior technology (Them) comes up against natives with primitive technology (Us) it always ends up with “Welcome to Spain!” It is just as possible they have been monitoring our transmissions and have sent a scouting party. A bunch of red shirts, someone to keep an eye on us before we start any trouble.

But the question of do they exist is answered unless you are prepared for mental gymnastics. Who are they? What are they? Would they like a cigarette? Have you tried Jack Daniels? You’ll love it! This is called Crack Cocaine. Do they have this on your planet? Take a hit, see what I mean? Have another drink! Do you guys gamble on your planet? Look, three cards and you pick out the red one! Sorry, you lose again. Have another drink and a cigarette. I’ll teach you, our ways! You’ll be a native in no time. Now, this is called NASCAR! Watch closely as the petroleum fueled chariots race round and round. After this is football and after that we watch porn movies! You need another drink? Plenty more for our guests!

Our weapons of war maybe powerless but our weapons of sloth will never be defeated. We’ve ruined many Alien cultures with drugs and alcohol for thousands of years. Just because you’re from out of town don’t make you special. “Welcome to Earth! Here is your complimentary black tar Heroin, bottle of Wild Turkey, a carton of Marlboros and Rice a Roni the San Francisco treat!

Ha, ha, ha, stupid bastards!

Please Like and Share: “I’m from Alabama, of course I’ve seen a UFO.”

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