By David Glenn Cox
Boom! There it is. Twuth without Twump and Twump without Twuth. The closely held business secret of Donald Twump’s business empire is out. Hire the wrong people, and then go fuck off. One of the key aggravations of Twump’s Social Media site “Twuth” as noted by users, is no Twump. “I heartily recommend this site to my friends, supporters and well-wishers, but I don’t actually go there much myself.”
The orange one tried a blog once, but it was work. Talking is easy but writing is difficult, and ghost writers are expensive. So, after thirty days he stopped doing it. You paint your name on the side of the airplane or on the skyscraper, and then go back to the house. You don’t actually do anything. Get your picture taken smiling with a shovel maybe or ringing the bell on Wall Street.
But Twump seems to be suffering with softus erectus. A gentleman losing interest with a flagging sail. “What? I thought I hired an idiot to do that and wrote him a check. What else do you people want from me? What? Everyday? I dunno know, I’m pretty busy these days, being the former President.
It’s like Summer vacation; Twump was really into it at first. And then the Summer sloth took over and he could sleep late and didn’t have to clean up his room. Suddenly after four years, he was free of a heavy schedule. He moved back to his playground with his love and his wife. Almost paradise, across the patio from the golf course and only a couple of miles from Mickey D’s.
After “Twuth’s” shaky launch with a shaky CEO, the progress has continued to be shaky. Long waiting lists for approval hindering membership. The internet equivalent of sleeping on the sidewalk, trying to get Stones tickets. Only to discover after the wait, that the Stones aren’t coming. A Presidential snipe hunt. You guys hold those bags open real wide, okay? And I’ll be along directly! It’s almost as if, he’s thrown in the towel already, and is trying to distance his paternity from this ugly baby.
Show of hands, how many of you think Twump sold all his “Twuth” stock on day one? Knowing that this turkey could never fly. But if I sold my stock now… before any bad news gets out. Whadda, I care if they crash and burn? The old Twump pump and dump. Twitter has only made money one year, and then lost it all the next. The chances that this venture would be a raging success or make money, were one in a million billion. How can you make any money if your established competitor can’t?
All we need now is to find a fall guy. You know, somebody to be the public face of the company and someone to take the focus off us. Someone dumb, but believable enough for Twump supporters. Someone to convince them to keep practicing, cause their musical instruments will be arriving on the Wells Fargo Wagon any day now! Twump was accused of selling “Twuth” stock before the official opening for $10 a share for his…friends. LOL!
“Oh, gee fellas, I’m real sorry. But who knew huh? I had it picked out as a real winner myself, and put my name on it. Let me let you talk to our CEO, Devin Nunes.”
“It’s clear that Twitter is kind of a ghost town,” Nunes told FBN – The Failed Business Network. “There’s not very much activity over at Twitter right now, especially when you compare it to sites like ours, our interactions are already beating Twitter.” Yes, and I hit more home runs than Babe Ruth and can fly around the room, when I get a hankering. We’re bigger than Walmart you know! Don’t just embellish the truth, molest it, and then beat the shit out of it!
To go on an obscure cable channel with a nationwide audience of hundreds, and make outlandish claims. That’s the clue Indiana Jones. First, no one else would invite him on the air. “Coming up, Meet the failed CEO of the doomed Twump venture!” Second, that Nunes goes on the air and continues to pump the stock, as if this were a legitimate venture. I guess, it’s like the Mel Brooks film “The Producers.” You can sell all the stock you want, if the whole company is flushed down the toilet and shut down, just as soon as the law allows. If you are a Twump Twuth shareholder, look at yourself in the mirror, because you just got slickered again.
They say never buy stocks with your heart. The polar opposite of the way a con man operates. Playing on your emotions and playing on your sympathies. Twuth was born as an eruption of outrage, after Twump was banned from mainstream social media sites. “We’re gonna show them what for and build our own casinos, I mean, social media site. And it’ll be bigger and better! The best social media website ever heard of in these parts. Wanna buy some stock? I got lots of stock and I’ll make you a special price if you’re interested.
This week’s iceberg for the good ship Twuthtanic involves the soft brain trust resigning. Software guru’s unable to make their own software work right leave. Guaranteeing that the software will never ever work right. You’re just gonna have to take that software out and start all over again with new software. Either that, or just pull the plug on the whole damn thing. And send back all the rented furniture.
Sometimes, you just got to tip your hat to the old orange bastard. Can you believe it? The king of the grifters declares war on social media. Like cuttings from a hay field. You cut the hay and when it grows back, you cut it again. Right out in front of God and everybody, the old bastard runs his latest scam in broad daylight. Buy some “Twuth” today! I’m selling it under table for $10 a share if you’re interested. A regular thirty-dollar value!
“Twitter is a house of cards and a ghost town,” Nunes defiantly responded.