Like a Big Boy

By David Glenn Cox

Old Pete Navarro doesn’t want to go to jail, and who does? But Pete’s gone so far as to ask the Supreme Court of the land to intervene on his behalf. I bet that’s expensive. Buying a new car in legal bills every month trying to stay out of the slammer for contempt of Congress. Arguing, he had executive privilege when he didn’t. “Why, I work for the President, so I don’t have to answer to anybody. I’m a super person and you can’t touch me.”

It is his sword and shield; I work for the President and because the President has executive immunity. I his poor humble servant also have executive immunity given by his grace. Here in the real world that defense would last you about ten minutes. “You see, I work for a super-secret government agency, so secret. I can’t legally even say their name publicly. So, obviously, I can’t answer any of your tough questions.

Old Pete just doesn’t want to answer questions and risks prison not too. If I had a suspicious nature, I might begin to think old Pete was trying to hide something. Going to such great lengths and expense to not talk about it like he is. A good soldier unwilling to rat out the boss.

But for the time and effort spent, you’d think old Pete was fighting off a twenty-year sentence on Alcatraz. When Pete’s only looking at four months in club Fed. With good time and time served, maybe only ninety days. Save your money Pete, do your time and when you get out. Treat yourself to a month in Paris.

Think of it as a mental health semester. Catch up on your reading or maybe write of your own struggles. That would be a good title, “My Struggle.” How they tried to make me a rat! But I laughed in their faces. You’ll never hear it from me Copper! I don’t rat on the boss!

Old Pete was admonished by the judge, “You’re not the victim.” Pete claims such persecution has never existed or been seen before. No one in the history of this purple mountain majesty country of ours has ever been sent to jail for contempt of court. Even Tommy Tuberville’s not dumb enough to fall for that.

Pete refuses to testify before Congress like, you know, Hunter Biden did. But he’s being singled out by virtue of his close association with criminal activities occurring on his watch inside the Trump Administration. What happens when you, John or Jane Q. Public don’t show up for court? That’s right, and the Supreme Court won’t help you.

Susan McDougal spent 18 months in prison for civil contempt, after she refused to testify about the Clintons and Whitewater endeavors. 18 months on a Real Estate deal not even anything close to sedition. And now here’s the blowhard old Pete boo hooing to the Supreme Court about a lousy four months. It’s not like he has job prospects or anything to do, after serving in the Trump Administration.

“Name a challenge you overcame in your last position?” We tried overthrowing the government, and we failed. But I never talked! No sir! Not a word. I never turned rat!

Regular shlubs have to do as they are told, but not me. I work for the President. Like some magic golden ticket, in case of crime…pull handle. Write this down for later; I don’t have to, and you can’t make me! And Navarro does actually have a right to remain silent…in court. Come in and sit down and take the 5^th Amendment all day long. Just like Don Jr. and Erc Trump did when they testified. I think Erc took the fifth over four hundred times.

It sort of makes you wonder what old Pete doesn’t want to talk about. Another Trump loon goon, trying to extinguish a legal fire by throwing huge sums of money at it. Navarro should count himself lucky, Allan Wiesselberg got Rikers Island.

Pete will be emptying trash cans and picking up around the air base jogging track. The break room has a big screen TV, and the vending machines are always well stocked. You could work on your tan. You could caddie on the golf course for some pocket money. Montgomery weather is nice this time of year, warm but not hot yet.

Is it denial? Is Pete a true believer droid? Is he fighting some mythical holy quest as only the duped and deluded could? Call me cheap, but I’d rather do the four months in a Federal minimum security prison. And save the hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees.

He’d get to meet the boys, the swindlers and cheats, wire fraudsters and Internet criminals. Just regular folks with nothing too scary or dangerous. He might even make some friends.

When he gets out Navarro will have street cred and maybe a new tattoo or two. A book deal or maybe a rap album, the skies, the limit. But first things first, first you have to go to jail. And eventually, Pete will go to jail after running out of venues of appeal or money, whichever comes first.

There is just a winey nature to it all. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time! Talk or shut up about it! You don’t want to talk? Then don’t! Take your punishment like a big boy and stop crying about it.

Methinks he doth protest too much!