Swiss Army Bible

By David Glenn Cox

Okay, bear with me here. Math and high finance aren’t my long suite. But a company that lost $58 million dollars last year against four million dollars in ad revenue is somehow valued at $8,000,000,000. Now, I might have been born at night, but not last night.

THROW AWAY YOUR MONEY HERE, SUCKERS! The stock has already lost 20% in value. But I’m certain it will bounce right back. (satire alert)

The company has only one asset, an out of work aging TV host, criminal and former President. Facing a slew of legal charges and a rocky future. With less than a quarter of the viewership of Twitter and much less revenue too. The company somehow ascends to a lofty summit of billions and billions of dollars in value.

It is expected the aging TV presenter will ask the board of directors to forgo holding on to his stock for the required six months and dump it immediately. Before the stock has the market value of spoiled milk and not worth the paper it was written on.  April fools indeed!

But we need to ask ourselves, how’s them bibles been selling? Sure, the sneakers sold out. Trumpers love to play basketball and besides it was a limited quantity and people are always looking for gag gifts. But a Bible? Some people take that sort of thing seriously. Some have even read it. But this is a special Bible with a copy of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence tucked inside. A sort of Swiss Army Bible.

Just think; you could be studying God’s holy word when all of a sudden a question arises in your mind about the country’s founding documents. You’re covered and prepared, you can answer any question. Religious, political, legal or historical. You’re loaded for bear with two barrels full of “I cain’t be wrong!”

The mixing of Donald Trump with Gawd means bad things for both. Even a second grade second rate simian simpleton can, or should, be able to see through the farce. “Why President God man sell us Bibles? He already have money; we already have Bibles.” Sort of like selling ice to the Eskimos.

Be the first in your congregation to show up for prayer meeting with your very own Donald Trump approved prestige Swiss Army Bible. Won’t they all swoon and become Jealous? When you thump this Bible brothers and sisters, they’ll hear you! The leatherette cover guarantees a solid full range of acoustic thump. When you come to the door with your Swiss Army Bible the Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses will turn on their heels and run unprepared for your Constitutional questioning.  

It is that extreme orbit I keep talking about. Trump has to constantly do or say something more and more extreme things to excite the little Trumpikins. And the more extreme he becomes, the more he begins to lose as much as he gains. He loses the mainstream suburban housewives and Reagan Democrats. They’re all “Build the Wall!” and Trump is all about seeking his revenge now. The orange Tasmanian devil, bitching and complaining his way towards November.

And speaking of revenge, down in Florida where the sun shines and the politicians don’t. Reich’s Fuehrer Ron DeSantis has signed a new uber restrictive anti-abortion measure. The bill basically makes abortion illegal before a woman even knows she’s pregnant. The bill was originally designed to give the lift to Ron’s campaign not found in corrective shoes. But since that Presidential ship has sailed, Ronny has but one broadside left. The bill will help to sink conservatives’ chances, starting with the big orange gorilla.

Realistically the bill should be called “ the anchor around Trump’s ankle bill.” Reminding America’s women that much is at stake right before the election. On behalf of Donald Trump let me say; “Thank You Ronnie! That’s about what I would expect from him. “Here Scarecrow, here’s a little fire!” Little Ronnie playing for a little payback before he disappears into the misty future as an imaginary man. A construction of focus groups, petty grievances, racism and xenophobia.

Polling is showing for what it is worth, that Trump’s numbers are down among the young. But that isn’t Trump’s prime demographic anyway. But it is illustrative that the curve is starting to bend the other way. Some 40% of Nikki Haley voters said they would vote for Joe Biden. Sure, that’s a small number of voters too. But it is a sign of the times. Trump’s popularity is slipping and not rising. And as we are all aware, Trump didn’t have enough votes for victory last time.

So as Trump posts pictures of Joe Biden bound and gagged, it is a sign of the end coming. Trump’s $175 million dollar bond was posted by the same company that has lent Trump money for his properties. So, they are hedging their bet they can continue to get paid. But it is one hurdle to jump after another and it can’t go on forever. Sooner or later, the stumble will occur. The open mike off comment or the bridge too far. This Swiss Army Bible shows us it is at least possible for Trump to go too far.

It could all end by a sudden collapse, or Trump’s support could quietly suffer an eventual slide of a few points at a time. Like a high wire act any slight miscue becomes highly exaggerated trying to stay on the wire.

There is nothing left to talk about in the campaign except for Trump’s legal woes. Besides the list of former Trump Administration figures lining up to NOT support Donald Trump this time! Better bring your camera kids you don’t see that very often. Republicans saying, “we’d rather lose this election than support Donald Trump.”

“It’s a universal law– intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility.” ― Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn