By David Glenn Cox
The Chinese gong makes two sounds. One when it is struck and the other as it reverberates echoing the vibrations of the sound. A single lone note with nothing to build on but impact and fury that can only be found at the end of the music and never the beginning. Mark Twain put it, “Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.” The orange Reich’s Fuhrer struck the gong addicting his adherents to candy and sweets. Topojijo amuses the crowd but all that are left now are the dancing bears.
Tucker Carlson AKA – Shit Unicorn tells drug addled grandparents on Faux News to report parents who have masked their children as child abusers. So far past George Orwell that I remember the name, but I don’t remember why. A private school in Miami has warned teachers not to get vaccinated because trials are incomplete, and they won’t be allowed back to work until they are. As if vaccinated teachers pose a health risk to children while unvaccinated teachers do not. Protecting your child with a mask is abuse while leaving them unprotected is good parenting advice.
Now this, from the some people will believe anything department. Close your eyes and think of all the fast-food restaurants in America. McDonalds, Wendy’s Burger King, I could go on all most forever. Now imagine with the stoke of a pen the President will order them all closed to lower green house gas emissions. Cattle ranches and stock yards all put out of business overnight. Pretend in the imaginary Faux News world these huge multinational corporations have no lobbyists or influence with Congress. What kind of moron would believe such silly horse shit as Joe Biden plans to ban red meat? A Republican moron and watchers of the Shit Unicorn.
Nothing left but the reverberations of contraryism. If Joe Biden says, “Get the shot” I ain’t getting the shot and if Joe Biden sends me a check well, I’ll cash it. If Joe Biden says, “Wear a Mask” I ain’t wearing no mask. Republicans in Michigan are telling workers to sue their employers over wearing a mask. A lawsuit that has about as much merit as suing over being forced to wear pants. A case even Lionel Hutz would refuse but it doesn’t matter, is it sweet? Is it gooey leaving them wanting more? Then give them more! JOE BIDEN TO END BATHROOMS BY 2030!
A leak (no pun intended.) from a friend of an unnamed source has disclosed the contents of a formerly secret, uncorroborated document. Known only to Bill Gates and the highest echelons of the Democratic Party. In it, diabolical plans are afoot to end bathrooms as we know them. Bathrooms will be replaced by environmentally controlled, and government inspected, “Sanitation areas.” These sanitation areas will be equipped with machines costing thousands of dollars to filter urine and provide environmentally friendly biodegradable paper bags to be used for defecation. The bags must then be weighed, and the toilet tissue count information be delivered to an Alexa machine for an immediate posting on the Internet. The Democrats want to post the results of your bowel movements on the Internet! Bill Gate’s microchip can’t be expected do everything.
I bet I could sell it; I know the Shit Unicorn could. Throw in a few “Nancy Pelosi wants to,” or “Maxine Waters is gonna” and she’s easy peasy. A photograph taken at an immigrant aide station of a child’s book donated to the station by a private citizen of the Vice President’s book. Has evoked a wild reaction. Of immigrant children being handed the book as they crossed the border. Thousands of books possibly millions of books all purchased with taxpayer money. Sure, they have been in office 100 days. No one would notice now! Why with such diabolical cleverness that news would never reach the newspapers. Oh, but I forgot. The papers would all cover for them because they are Democrats. That’s another reason not to get the shot because the newspapers say, I should get the shot. The newspapers are all run by Democrats. I’m still not sure how the Superbowl really turned out because of that.
The migrant caravans filled with MS-19 gang members that evaporate like smoke in the wind. The police going door to door to collect your handguns. I remember a few years ago; it was the demise of the incandescent light bulb that had them all a twitter. “It was good enough for my daddy and his daddy; it’s good enough for me! Besides, they cost twice as much and only last three times as long!” Something tells me his grandaddy was complaining about those automobiles disturbing the horses down at the watering troughs downtown.
And then there is America’s longest hardest and most deeply felt War, the War on Christmas. Alone on the lonely watch towers of freedom, they stand. Forgotten eleven months out of the year the war springs to life from pulpits and evangelical television sets across the reactionary and televangelist spectrum sometime around Thanksgiving. “Damn those heathens and their Xmas. Satan will not deceive us! Your courtesy and inclusion saying “Happy Holidays” will be taken for what it is! A tool used by Satan himself to wound our lord Jesus Christ. And with a donation of fifty dollars or more you can join our Band Aids for Jesus Club! Help put band aids on the lord Jesus’s wounds and replace his crown of thorns with a MAGA hat!
If with the aid of a medicinal tow truck, we could remove the craniums from the rectums the autopsy shows us a general fear of everything. Sometimes called in medicinal circles fraidy cat ittuss or chicken shittedness. The fear that things are going wrong, and the world might end Tuesday, but no later than Thursday. Jesus is coming and I need a haircut. “Boy the way Glenn Miller played, songs that made the hit parade those were the days.” Tell us oh Shit Unicorn! What are we afraid of tonight?