By David Glenn Cox
They are the Party of family values that doesn’t value the family. The Pro-life Party that doesn’t support public health insurance to promote life. The Party of morality with porn stars, preachers, prostitutes and locker room shenanigans. The Party of enemies and the questioning of one’s loyalty to the cause. The Party of jack boots in the name of God. The Parties one Black Senator tells his audience with a straight face, America is not a racist country. Well, maybe America is not but the Republicans certainly are. A solid majority of Republicans believe the jury was wrong in the George Floyd case. That policeman did the right thing murdering that handcuffed Black man on TV. Republicans live on villainy and victimhood and Black people are one of their favorite villains. They themselves are always the victim. “If it wasn’t for that Black kid with the 4.0 and academic honors, Egbert might have won that scholarship to Harvard. He played tuba in the marching band; it’s just not fair!
Why a Republican without a villain is like preacher without his Bible. It’s the Indians; it’s the Mexicans, it’s the Blacks. Sssh, don’t tell anyone but it’s also the Jews. The unspoken secret. “Well, we would invite you to come along, but it’s a cross burning thing, you understand. But look on the bright side, it’s not at your house.” Why it was just a few years ago Gay people were bothering innocent merchants with wedding cake requests and hanging out at elementary schools trying to recruit your children into their lifestyle. I’ve always said, If I were looking for a salesman, I’d interview Gay men. Because if you can convince me that I’d rather spend the night with you than a beautiful woman…you’re hired!
Liberals and Communists were trying to subvert and indoctrinate your children with the Teletubbies and Barney the purple dinosaur singing “I love you!” Subversive bastard, you ain’t fooling nobody. It was just the other night I was listening to Styx records backwards when I heard Tommy Shaw say, “Zeb na goo a rheostat.” Don’t you get it? It’s almost Russian for “Dethrone God!” He said it over and over! We need warning labels! There are bad words in here! In the 1950s it was comic books, hot rods and rock and roll music that were destroying America. Buddy Holly is the devil! Why won’t you listen to Pat Boone like the other kids instead of listening to those Negro records? One more Chuck Berry record and your mother could drop over dead, do you really want that on your conscience?
The Republicans could have their own dinosaur. Brownie the Republican dinosaur! “I hate you; I hate you! We’d have a paradise if it weren’t for you!” I say that because imitation is the sincerest form of all Republicanism. Monkey see, monkey do. I’ll pass the most repressive voter law in America! “No, I’ll pass the most repressive voter law in America!” Hours after three Republican governors called for ending the additional $300 per week in unemployment benefits, they have now all signed on. We the undersigned demand you immediately withdraw the tens of millions of dollars you are pumping into our local economies.
The new enemy…the unemployed. Lay abouts growing fat on your birth right. Lazy son of a bitch, what’s wrong with a chemical engineer working at McDonalds? The Party of work requirements and an inhuman minimum wage. They fail to understand the extra $300 doesn’t just keep the unemployed afloat it also keeps the bank afloat. And the grocery store and the convenience store. They say 18% of Americans are behind on their rent. “I got a great idea, let’s cut unemployment benefits!” If the catalytic converter is still on your car, thank an unemployment check.
It was back in 08, back when Arnold Impregnatethemaid was governor of California. With the economy in trouble, Impregnatethemaid cut spending and furloughed workers. The results were nearly biblical in just six weeks, Sacramento once the bright spot of the economy was down with the laggards. Unemployment grew as the vendors who served the state were laid off by private employers. A policy of strict water conservation during forest fires. The $300 only passes through their hands on the way to pay someone who votes Republican. Visa and Mastercard vote Republican, I bet they like the $300 extra…a lot! I bet Ford, GM, and Chrysler like it too. Seems I remember we had to help a couple of those boys out not too long ago, when the millions couldn’t make their payments. Bars and restaurants trying to reopen and trying to get back on their feet. “Let’s cut the legs out from under their customer base and see what happens?”
Don’t take it too personal, it’s not you they hate, it’s success. They may have just put you in the crosshairs, but it is because they cannot allow Joe Biden to succeed. If the American economy were to begin a full-throated recovery, the Republicans would be screwed like a Congressman on ecstasy dating a teen prostitute at the Motel 6. Republicans are well aware of what needs to be done. They must put out the light at the end of the tunnel. Open up the sea cocks and try to sink the boat. If we cut off unemployment benefits the economy will stall people and businesses will suffer, but we shall have our platform to stand on for November, Doing Nothing Works!
Some might think the insurrection of January 6th was a one-off event when it was just another offensive in the war on the poor. I’m old enough to remember when Republicans said the Civil Rights movement was a communist plot. Martin Luther King was a communist dupe put in place by Moscow. Black people didn’t really want Civil Rights it was the communists leading the poor dumb Black man astray. Trying to make trouble for decent White, god-fearing Americans. In the 1930s it was Communists stirring up the unemployed by feeding them. The 50s…communists. The 60s…hippies and communists. The 70s…Liberals and communists. The 80s…Welfare queens and mental patients confined against their will. The 90s Gay people out to destroy America. The 00s Muslims (Obama) and anyone different. And now its transgender children trying to use the bathroom and ruin the softball team.
Try not to take it personally it’s not because you are different, it’s because you are poor and different. You are a logical fallacy to an illogical assertion. If we can’t get workers to work at pathetically low wages, cut unemployment until we can. Sink the boat, scuttle the economy…the election is coming, and it is our only hope!