Make a Cow Laugh

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Pee wee Herman falls off his bicycle and declares, “I meant to do that! I was showing off my trick riding skills.” The man/child is more child than man. I have been prognosticating the decline and fall of Donald Twump for many months now, and take great joy at the appearance of concrete manifestations.

Sure, the deposition was fun, taking the 5th Amendment all day long. He struggles to find qualified attorneys. Because any attorneys qualified won’t touch his case. Any attorney will tell you, when the prosecution has you on audio tape trying to convince election officials to go along with election fraud. That’s going to be a tough case.

But the stolen documents case looks even worse, because it is so cut and dried. Did Twump illegally remove government documents from their proper place? YES. When asked to return the documents did Twump comply? NO. When served with a subpoena demanding the return of the documents, did Twump comply? NO. Did the Federal agents find said stolen property inside the suspect’s private residence? YES.

His CFO, just pled guilty to tax fraud and has agreed to roll over in exchange for a lighter sentence. His children have gone underground and are living incognito. The tax case against him in New York rolls on, but a concrete certainty has emerged.

Twump’s Twuth, social media website is in twouble. Why, when little Tucker fucker started his Daily Bawler website, it only cost 2 million dollars of other people’s money.  Twuth has lost over six and a half million dollars in just the first six months of the year. “Someone call the Red Cross, I think we gotta a bleeder here!”

The parent company, (though failure is an orphan) Digital World Acquisitions warns of Twump’s “adverse” impact upon the business. Twump firmly bolted to the floor, claims business is great, never better! Even though the value of Digital Acquisitions stock has fallen 72% from 97 dollars per share to 27 dollars per share. Twump claims after the Feds raided his criminal hideout and lair, that the Twump Twuth traffic was up 550%.

So, if nobody was there yesterday, and 550 were there today. Mostly, checking to see what the defendant might have to say about it.

I suppose, if Twump can manage to get raided a couple of times a week. He might could possibly make a strong go of it. Give credit where credit is due. Twump is taking a whole justice system full of lemons and turning it into money making Internet fodder. But money talks and bullshit walks. How long do you think they will smile and happily flush $1,000 an hour down the dumper?

Now I’d like to mention something here. They lost six and a half million dollars in six months on a website! They didn’t open a chain of grocery stores. This isn’t a failed blockbuster movie. There is no fleet of delivery trucks or stocking warehouses. Were they using solid gold computers? Flying to work in private luxury helicopters perhaps? Renting the Penthouse in Twump Tower? That’s a real hard sell, losing that much money on that little website. Twitter only lost $2 million for a whole year, and they are gigantic by comparison.

Aside from money troubles are the pending investigations into allegations of insider trading by Twump. Selling Twuth stock under the table to his friends. But at this point in Twump’s criminal career, it’s a parking ticket! “Come and get me Coppers! Scat, you don’t scare me!”

But like the sinking battleship Bismark, his rudder jammed his radar busted, the enemies are encircling him for the kill. Once Digital World Acquisitions stock price continues its slide from $27 per share down to zero dollars per share, the Party is all over. And at the current rate of financial loss, that should be sometime around the holidays.

King of steaks, visionary aviator, convicted fraudster and Dean of the University. Twuth will soon join the ranks of all the other famous Donald Twump fiascos. I think the term is called, “Pump and Dump.” You exploit some oddity or famous nobody and generate a buzz. Say, for example, you start a Crypto coin called “Let’s Go Brandon!”

Why every illiterate redneck and his momma will trade their legends of NASCAR collector plates. And swear to give up bingo, to get their hands on some of that! Then all of a sudden without warning, the suckers wake up one fine morning to find, that Brandon is gone. And, he took he took all their money with him!

But what makes this event so special, is that Twump was always selling something or other. Only this time around, Twump is selling himself and the sales are poor, and the prospects look dim. The people aren’t buying it anymore. They still have some of it left over at home, and they don’t want any more.

This is the last lap around the track for Donald Twump. I can’t imagine there will be any more ventures after Twuth. From guest of honor to the guest that wouldn’t leave. The spell is broken and after all, it was a bridge too far anyway. The slings and arrows of just due fortune are starting to bring him down by their multitude in the eyes of the faithful.

Digital World Acquisitions issued stock in the name of the Donald Twump brand, and the white collar hoosters lined up to get them some of that Twuth. And Twump was accused of unloading the stock at $10 per share to his friends, before it was even legal to sell. Illustrating clearly, the twuth of Donald Twump’s Twuth, he sold out before the ink was dry. Just another scam to fleece the sheep. The twuth of Twump’s Twuth. The suckers always want another bite of the apple.

“The duke he quit tending door and went around the back way and come on to the stage and stood up before the curtain and made a little speech, and praised up this tragedy, and said it was the most thrillingest one that ever was; and so he went on a-bragging about the tragedy, and about Edmund Kean the Elder, which was to play the main principal part in it; and at last when he’d got everybody’s expectations up high enough, he rolled up the curtain, and the next minute the king come a-prancing out on all fours, naked; and he was painted all over, ring-streaked-and-striped, all sorts of colors, as splendid as a rainbow. And – but never mind the rest of his outfit; it was just wild, but it was awful funny. The people most killed themselves laughing; and when the king got done capering and capered off behind the scenes, they roared and clapped and stormed and haw-hawed till he come back and done it over again, and after that they made him do it another time. Well, it would make a cow laugh to see the shines that old idiot cut.”
― Mark Twain

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