“Less filling, tastes great!”
By David Glenn Cox
How bad is it? How bad could it possibly be? I mean, what’s the worst-case scenario here? Where do you turn when the golden sneakers sales tank and the Bible sales flatten out? While the profits from Trump media sink like the Titanic on that tragic April night.
Like a junkie with a jones which cannot be satiated, Donald Trump needs money. Robbing Peter to pay Paul and lying to Jesus about it. Look deep and ask yourself; now, what’s the most ridiculous fund-raising scam ever to be thought of from the mind of a criminal politician? Excluding Bible sales and sparkly shoes, of course.
Maybe bring the wife out of retirement for a new photo shoot? No, worse than that. Besides, she said “no.” Donald Trump wants to license his likeness and image and charge candidates who use his image, a straight five percent, across the board. Cause the boss needs to wet his beak. The old shake down, the boss needs money cause he’s the boss, and you need the boss to make more money.
“We ask that all candidates and committees who choose to use President Trump’s name, image, and likeness split a minimum of 5% of all fundraising solicitations to Trump National Committee JFC,”
How bad is it? Traditionally, the down ballot candidates expect help from the national party during an election year. This time around, not only will the candidates not expect any help but are expected to pay for the privilege of not receiving any. Gee, fifty states times innumerable Republican candidates’ times 5%. Five percent to use the boss’s picture in your advertisements. A fifty-dollar Trump tax on every thousand Republican dollars raised.
Already, many large donors have been frightened off by the fear their donation will end up being used to pay Trump’s legal bills. Now other stories of the boss using campaign funds to prop up his failing businesses emerge. Would Trump do that? Yeah, right. What does he have to lose? What will they do, put him in jail? The return of Huey Long’s Deduct Box. Would you like a Gold, Silver or Platinum membership?
And yet, some still believe Donald Trump gives a flying shit about the Republican Party. Let’s give the devil his due. Jim Jones gave away the Kool aid for free. He never once thought of charging for it. Ironically, because Donald Trump is a public figure the Democrats can use Trump’s likeness for free in their advertisements, while Republicans are being asked to pony up.
It is a totally unenforceable policy and of course, all donations are strictly voluntary. But do you want to make orange Zeus mad at you and have him throwing his ketchup bottle lightning bolts your way? You know how he is when he’s angry. Can you imagine what a personal appearance might cost you? Trump would probably demand a 60/40 split his way for something like that.
This is clearly a last gasp desperation play attempt before going under. It doesn’t matter how much money the Republican Party raises and takes in. It’s already gone and spent on the various Trump travails. There’s a hole in Donny’s arm where all the money goes. A giant sucking sound in a huge vortex inhaling money insatiably like runner gasps for air. Between the attorney fees, the campaign and Trump’s failing businesses, there will never be enough.
In days of old, such a bizarre fund-raising scheme would have been shot down by the gatekeepers of the Party. But Trump owns the party machinery like an angry Chihuahua, so let the buffoonery begin. Have you got your Official Donald Trump decoder ring? Only $19.95 plus S&H. You can’t decode any official Donald Trump messages without an official Donald Trump decoder ring! H-A-M-B-E-R-D-E-R! Order yours today!
Does your car have over one hundred thousand miles on it? Do you love Donald Trump? Now you can have it both ways by joining the Donald Trump Auto Warranty Club! Are you getting older? Do you own your own home? Why not give it to Donald Trump when you go and surprise the hell out of the kids. But why wait? Now, you can get a Donald Trump reverse mortgage and send your hard-earned money straight to Donald Trump today, while you’re still breathing!
Do you wonder what the future will bring? Do you have fears and questions about the future you need answered today? Now you can call the Donald Trump psychic advisor hotline! “How will I pay for my retirement?” Simple, buy my stock.
What sort of candidate taxes the party for supporting them? It is a hair brained scheme doomed to failure based on its hair brained nature. Things are tough all over. Down ballot candidates don’t have five percent to send to Donald Trump, just as Donald Trump doesn’t have five percent to send to them.
Sun Tzu once advised the best way to determine how you are doing in a battle was to ask yourself, would you trade places with your opponent? Would you take their assets and liabilities in exchange for your own?
Each Trump fundraising stunt lowers Trump’s equity within the party and raises Republican anxiety. The knowing fear that Donald Trump is only using the Party. A gigolo with no intentions of marriage under any circumstances. Going to leave the bride at the altar broke, broken and burnt out. This is entirely a one-way street.
Give me money! Pay my bills! Wash my car!
For a good time! Call 1 561 1st LADY, $3.99 for the first minute and $2.99 for every minute after. Tell her your deepest secret fantasies, while she tells you hers! “Then I take shovel and tamp down loose earth.”
This Carbon Based Life 